Factors for a successful marriage

 Simply marriage can be defined as union of two people or legal contract between two people to share their lives till end. When it comes to formal definition ,

H.M.Johnson defined marriage as “a stable relationship in which a man and woman are socially permitted without loss of standing in community to have children”.

Lowie defined “marriage is a relatively permanent bond between permissible mates”.

Anyway the definition for marriage changes according to culture, religion. When it considering about Sri Lanka as it’s a collectivistic culture marriage plays an important role in Sri Lankans lives. Each and every person in Sri Lanka belongs to a certain group and when they make decisions they consider thoughts of others members of the society which they belongs to as well. Further interests of the other family members are to be considered before those of an individual. Which means under Sri Lankan context family relationships are given a prominent place and stability of the marriage is highly appreciated. It’s important to consider the key points which keeps a long lasting good relationship in a marriage. In here it’s expected to elaborate five facts which is needed for good marital relationship.

1.     According to psychiatrist George Blair West the older you are getting married lowers the divorce rate. But it’s not too old neither too young. According to research done by sociologist Nick Wolfinger it suggest that between ages 28 to 32 years are better for getting hitched. As psychiatrist George explains this is because when they get old they have fulfilled tertiary education and have earned higher income. As well another interesting fact is that neuroscientists explains that until age 25 year one’s prefrontal cortex develops. When it considering about the functions of prefrontal cortex , regulating emotions, coordinating and adjusting behaviors, planning for the future , contribution for decision making and so on. Thereby once prefrontal cortex is developed it’s better to make decisions. As well according to him personality changes but by 30 personality traits more likely to be stable. According to Harvard psychologists William James “in most of us , by the age of thirty the character has set like plaster , and will never soften again”. Which means the personality has fully formed by age of 30.There by with all these facts marriage happening in between age 28 to 32 is more stable and lower the divorce rate.

2. Above fact explains “prevention before the cure”. By this point it’s expected to describe how to maintain a good marital life. Most important fact is TRUST. Relationship experts John and Julie Gottman have stated qualities related to trust and trustworthiness are the most prominent factors which needs to continue a good relationship. Describing the fact trust, Brenés Brown a researcher and educator have broken down the concept of trust into specific qualities and behaviors

                        i.      Boundaries – Partner should know each other’s boundaries and respect each other.

                        ii.      Reliability

                        iii.      Accountability

                        iv.      Vault – Respecting others story and not sharing others stories which are not to be shared. Simply it’s about do the partner acknowledge confidentiality.

                         v.      Integrity

                         vi.      Non-judgmental

                         vii.      Generosity

Trust is really important part of the relationship. That makes the bond strong and they feel free in their relationship.

3. Third important factor in marriage is COMMUNICATION. Communicating with the partner effectively enhance the bond in a relationship. Appreciating your spouse with nice words, if your partner do something that bothers you it’s better to say it to your partner. This should be done in a warm and in a friendly, tactful manner. As well not only verbal communication non-verbal communication is really important. Thereby be aware of the body language, facial expressions. Additionally it’s important to remember the language use, expressions using and body languages using should be warm, calm and friendly. Most significantly listening to your partner, showing empathy , understanding and being non-judgmental  tightens the bond between married couple. Be honest, be genuine and authentic.

4.  MAKE LIFE DREAMS COME TRUE. As described by Gottman this is a fact which tightens the bond of partners. It’s essential to know each other’s dreams and understand why their dreams are important, supporting them to achieve their dreams, encouraging the partner to go for their target are the ways to make their dreams come true.

5.  Last but not least mutual RESPECT is very significant in a successful marriage. When making decisions respect to partners thoughts, don’t underestimate partner, don’t underestimate his or her values, every person has a dark side and a bright side. Keep that in mind. Praise the partner, apologize when it’s needed.

These facts will make a successful and happy marriage. Other than these factors love , sexual faithfulness , commitment also needed in a successful happy marriage.

🖋️ Sri Parami Rajapaksha